Gallery · The timeline

A life in 19 chapters.

It didn’t happen in a straight line.

1. Prologue · 2011

   1

   Woman in the Front Row

   Your healed wounds can be someone's light.

   Then

   “My story is mine. Why would anyone need to hear it?”

   Now

   Sometimes telling the truth about your own life gives someone else permission to face theirs.

2. 1970s · Age 5–12

   2

   My Refrigerator Moment

   Feel it instead of feed it.

   Then

   “If I eat this, the bad feeling will go away.”

   Now

   The feeling was asking to be felt, not fed. Food just made it quieter for a while.

3. 1980s · ~200 lbs

   3

   Love in the Jar

   The hunger was never just hunger.

   Then

   “Nutella makes everything better. At least for a little while.”

   Now

   I wasn’t just hungry for food. I was hungry for comfort, safety, and something I couldn’t yet name.

4. 1980s · ~250 lbs

   4

   My French Model

   Shame is an optional experience.

   Then

   “If I don’t measure up, something must be wrong with me.”

   Now

   Shame wasn’t something I was born with. It was something I learned. And I could unlearn it.

5. 1980s · ~250 lbs

   5

   My Daddy's Girl

   What feels wrong needs to be named.

   Then

   “If something feels wrong, maybe I’m the one who’s wrong.”

   Now

   Naming what happened doesn’t change the past. But it changes what I have to carry.

6. 1986 · Age 19

   6

   Deadly Prayers

   Understanding changes who the enemy is.

   Then

   “If I could just change myself, everything would be better.”

   Now

   Understanding what happened changed where I placed the blame. I wasn’t the enemy.

7. 1990s · ~275 lbs

   7

   Uppers & Fat Farms

   You cannot fix pain with a diet.

   Then

   “There must be a diet, a pill, a place, or a person who can finally fix me.”

   Now

   I kept trying to change my body when so much of the pain lived somewhere else.

8. 1990s · ~300 lbs

   8

   Fat Girl Gets Sex

   My heart is mine to protect.

   Then

   “If someone wants my body, maybe that means I’m worthy of love.”

   Now

   Being wanted and being loved aren’t the same thing. My heart deserves protection, too.

9. 2000s · ~350 lbs

   9

   Under the Fat

   Trust the body. Feel the feelings.

   Then

   “My body is the problem. If I can control it, I’ll be okay.”

   Now

   My body was carrying feelings I hadn’t learned to listen to.

10. 2010 · ~320 lbs

    10

    Walking on Fire

    Fear is not a needed feeling.

    Then

    “Fear means stop. It means something terrible might happen.”

    Now

    Fear doesn’t always tell the truth. I can feel it without letting it decide for me.

11. 2011 · ~300 lbs

    11

    More 2 Luv

    I was never a lesser person.

    Then

    “Maybe the world would see more of me if there were less of me.”

    Now

    I was never a lesser person. Not at 350 pounds. Not at any weight.

12. 2010s · ~250 lbs

    12

    Hello Dear Fat

    My body was trying to help me.

    Then

    “My fat is something I have to fight until it’s gone.”

    Now

    My body wasn’t working against me. It had been trying, in its own way, to protect me.

13. 2010s · ~200 lbs

    13

    Dinner with ‘Friends’

    Kindness is so much better.

    Then

    “Maybe I should laugh along. Maybe I’m being too sensitive.”

    Now

    I don’t have to participate in my own humiliation to make other people comfortable.

14. 2015 · ~170 lbs

    14

    Maman Looks Away

    Secrecy makes you sick.

    Then

    “If we don’t talk about it, maybe it won’t hurt anymore.”

    Now

    Silence doesn’t make painful things disappear. Sometimes it gives them more power.

15. 2018 · ~140 lbs

    15

    Thin Gets In

    I was a diamond under some mud.

    Then

    “Once I lose the weight, I’ll finally become the person I’m supposed to be.”

    Now

    The person I was looking for had been there all along. A diamond under some mud.

16. 2020s · ~135 lbs

    16

    Big Sweaty Business

    Build what you wish existed.

    Then

    “Maybe someone else has already figured out how to make this work.”

    Now

    Sometimes the thing you wish existed is the very thing you’re meant to create.

17. 2020s · ~135 lbs

    17

    Are You Two Together?

    My body. My opinion.

    Then

    “Other people’s reactions must mean something about who I am.”

    Now

    My body is mine. Other people’s opinions don’t get to define it.

18. 2020s · ~135 lbs

    18

    Water at My Feet

    Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting.

    Then

    “If I forgive, does that mean what happened was okay?”

    Now

    I can let go of what I’m carrying without pretending it didn’t happen.

19. 2026 · 120 lbs

    19

    My Songs

    I was never broken.

    Then

    “I have spent so much of my life trying to become someone better.”

    Now

    I was never broken. I didn’t need to become someone else. I needed to come home to myself.

Still becoming ♡